we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it's like iHOP with fire
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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