I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
