He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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