Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
