It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
