I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
