When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
