I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
