Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
