we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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