meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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