He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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