i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
