I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
