4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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