His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
