Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
