I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
