What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
