the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
