allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Couch. On fire.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
