Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
