Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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