I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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