You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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