i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
