hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
