After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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