we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
