Your dad touched me again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
