Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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