Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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