Don't make out with my wife yet
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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