How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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