my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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