Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
