she was so not down for the gang bang
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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