god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
