my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
