found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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