She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
