Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
