When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
