having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
