living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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