So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
