It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
