remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
