Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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