Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
