no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
