i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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