can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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