R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
