Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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