I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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