Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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