Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
