Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
