Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
