I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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