i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
