Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
