I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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