And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
