Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
