Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize