with your own penis?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
