Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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