You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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