it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
