nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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