Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
