hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
