So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
