I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
