I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
