A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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