im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
