I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
