Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
