So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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