I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
