Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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